Derrière chaque visage humain il y a un démon qui pleure                       

“The new day is almost here, but the old one is still dragging its heavy skirts. Just as ocean water and river water struggle against each other at a river mouth, the old time and the new time clash and blend.”

It's been so long since I wrote something.And I regret it because it may had helped me feel better,but I hadn't been able to .All the pain,those words drove me down.Everyday fighting with my parents,my father screaming ,forcing me to eat,my mother crying...and the result?vomiting and throwing up the food..My throat hurts,my stomach aches .It makes me feel so weak without any strength..why,why?I wish I were able to control it,but I can't.No one understands.And I'm alone with my pain,scared,and I won't escape from this.
I want a real real life,I need to study,I have dreams,wishes ,I want to be understood and loved,but all around me are dreams like crashing cities 
What shall I do?For how long will this lie continue.It's fuckin hard to bear,when no one supports you.
And I hate the fact that my parents think that forcing me to eat it's the solution.Getting a normal weight it's not the solution..
Every day is a reflection of the other.Feelings of emptiness have overcame me completely.

just ..damn it !there are so many times when I wish I didn't feel like this..I'm a failure..a disaster...