just ..damn it !there are so many times when I wish I didn't feel like this..I'm a failure..a disaster...

It's been a long since I wrote last time.I felt that I should,but I was so weak that I could barely speak...I began the classes,It's horrible..Everything.The classmates,the atmosphere,I feel like I'm suffocating..I feel so dizzy,I guess because I've lost weight (45 kg...1,70 m,and I don't have any appetite.. ).I feel like I can't do it anymore,it consumes me more and more.And no one pays attention to me,no one notices the hell ,the pain...I want to scream, but I'm the prisoner of my own sadness.At least I have something that's mine:loneliness...Why am I fooling myself???This isn't something I should be proud of,right?I wish I could release myself,and get out og my own body,and float...
I feel like everything crashed around me,all the dreams are gone.I wish there was someone who would tell me something to encourage me,tell me that I can do it.I'm wondering, was it useful dreaming?for what ?
In the morning I don't even want to see the sun,I want to cry,drown in  sorrow,lie down with a ghost...I want time to stop, life..everything goes on so fast like it's just a moment..So many dreams,promises,wishes...Did it help me ?By dreaming and hoping,I don't do anything.
I wish I could explain better,but I can explain so few..I feel useless, like I don't matter...Fuck,it hurts...I need someone..who won't let me fall deeper .Am I wasting my time in a worthless search ?What if  I don't find that person? What the fuck am I going to do ?All I have is just one single life,and sometimes it isn't enough ...
I want to feel a touch.Something that would get me warm,melt me .I'm   frozen...
So cold..

*lo siento por la pausa y por no leer sus blogs
espero q todos/todas esten/estan bien.
 las extrañe.

Out of this

                                                         "I wanna walk feeling tall
                                                                            With the world behind me
                                                                              I wanna live in a world
                                                                           Where they'll never find me".

"Le train est entré en gare et je n'etais pas encore très sûr de mon aventure.C'est peut-être ça ce qu'on cherche à travers la vie:le plus grand chagrin possible ,devenir soi-même avant de mourir." 
Céline.

the 4th of September

                                           "Cause it's so easy to tell a lie
                                            And it's so easy to run and hide
                                              But it's not easy to be alive".




Well,just a random entry..
4 septiembre,feliz cumple Pili.^^Aunque no te conozco muy bien,tengo q darte las gracias por tus palabras,y por entederme .
Te deseo lo mejor .^^