Saturday, September 18, 2010
It's been a long since I wrote last time.I felt that I should,but I was so weak that I could barely speak...I began the classes,It's horrible..Everything.The classmates,the atmosphere,I feel like I'm suffocating..I feel so dizzy,I guess because I've lost weight (45 kg...1,70 m,and I don't have any appetite.. ).I feel like I can't do it anymore,it consumes me more and more.And no one pays attention to me,no one notices the hell ,the pain...I want to scream, but I'm the prisoner of my own sadness.At least I have something that's mine:loneliness...Why am I fooling myself???This isn't something I should be proud of,right?I wish I could release myself,and get out og my own body,and float...
I feel like everything crashed around me,all the dreams are gone.I wish there was someone who would tell me something to encourage me,tell me that I can do it.I'm wondering, was it useful dreaming?for what ?
In the morning I don't even want to see the sun,I want to cry,drown in sorrow,lie down with a ghost...I want time to stop, life..everything goes on so fast like it's just a moment..So many dreams,promises,wishes...Did it help me ?By dreaming and hoping,I don't do anything.
I wish I could explain better,but I can explain so few..I feel useless, like I don't matter...Fuck,it hurts...I need someone..who won't let me fall deeper .Am I wasting my time in a worthless search ?What if I don't find that person? What the fuck am I going to do ?All I have is just one single life,and sometimes it isn't enough ...
I want to feel a touch.Something that would get me warm,melt me .I'm frozen...
*lo siento por la pausa y por no leer sus blogs
espero q todos/todas esten/estan bien.
Posted by Denisa at 10:56 AM