Saturday, September 18, 2010

It's been a long since I wrote last time.I felt that I should,but I was so weak that I could barely speak...I began the classes,It's horrible..Everything.The classmates,the atmosphere,I feel like I'm suffocating..I feel so dizzy,I guess because I've lost weight (45 kg...1,70 m,and I don't have any appetite.. ).I feel like I can't do it anymore,it consumes me more and more.And no one pays attention to me,no one notices the hell ,the pain...I want to scream, but I'm the prisoner of my own sadness.At least I have something that's mine:loneliness...Why am I fooling myself???This isn't something I should be proud of,right?I wish I could release myself,and get out og my own body,and float...
I feel like everything crashed around me,all the dreams are gone.I wish there was someone who would tell me something to encourage me,tell me that I can do it.I'm wondering, was it useful dreaming?for what ?
In the morning I don't even want to see the sun,I want to cry,drown in  sorrow,lie down with a ghost...I want time to stop, life..everything goes on so fast like it's just a moment..So many dreams,promises,wishes...Did it help me ?By dreaming and hoping,I don't do anything.
I wish I could explain better,but I can explain so few..I feel useless, like I don't matter...Fuck,it hurts...I need someone..who won't let me fall deeper .Am I wasting my time in a worthless search ?What if  I don't find that person? What the fuck am I going to do ?All I have is just one single life,and sometimes it isn't enough ...
I want to feel a touch.Something that would get me warm,melt me .I'm   frozen...
So cold..

*lo siento por la pausa y por no leer sus blogs
espero q todos/todas esten/estan bien.
 las extrañe.

1 comment:

  1. Hold on, dreams give you strenght, you should be proud, being lonely it's so hard...No one is useless, take your time to figure out what you need and want, phisically,mentally, spiritually...

    I can't tell you'll find the right person now, or in the near future, all you can do is endure, never to surrender, even when there is no reason to

    un abrazo!