Last night I remembered the fights I had with my father,his violence and hits.
I didn't deserve being treated like that.So many times,it wasn't my fault.His ugly words echoes in my ears.I can't stop the tears that are now flowing down.
I'm sitting on my bed,in the dark,listening to music.I feel better when no one sees me,no one touches me.People's look makes me feel guilty.What am I guilty for?..I'm living.Trying,falling,breaking,learning to live,to breathe,though I feel like I haven't made any step,I feel dead.
I wish I could get out of myself and float on the water,feel the wind's touch.
My thoughts were driving me away ,but suddenly I hear the music again.I guess I was so concentrate that I didn't hear anything.
"I wanna be touched
I wanna be kissed".These are the lyrics of U&Me Blue's song called "Bird",my favorite song.The melody makes me want to fly.I feel like I'm in a "glass cage" as the lyrics say " I live in a glass cage
You can only step,but cannot touch me
I'm a bird."....
I could have written these things last night,with a better expression,but I prefered the dark and the silence that was dominating the room.
Well today,nothing new.Loneliness.I feel empty inside,and I would like dreaming at a prosperous future,but I can't imagine anything.It's like wanting to catch the time that comes,and which is maybe the time that's left for me...How much time do I have to find happiness,friendship and love?...
I remember a quote from one of Paulo Coelho's books who says that maybe we are moving on because we don't understand the mystery buried by the next second...