I'm a fuckin' anorexic

I'm a fuckin' anorexic.That's for sure.I guess it's one of the few things I can say definitely.I'm wondering ,when will I look in the mirror and be glad of my reflection?My body makes me sick.All I feel is nausea.I hate it so much.I'm so sick of all these,feeling ugly and fat.I can't understand how the others day that I'm too slim.I guess they are right,but my mind is poisoned and sick.I wish I could think like them,and accept the way I look.It makes me feel so miserable for hating myself,for throwing food,for hiding behind this mask.I feel so cold.And I feel like I'm getting so tired,so old..,thought the age doesn't prove it.
They just don't know my daily struggle with my own and sick mind.They don't try to understand the situation,to look further and see that there is more than just a simple eating disorder,it's a mental problem.All they do is scream and threaten me until I eat.No problem.Mia is by my side,always there to rescue me from their fuckin' trap.

Again,talking non sense..Hmm,it's just what I think about right now.

Well,today it's another day,feeling weak and empty.
All this feel so untrue ,so fake..
Everyone lies.Sometimes I wonder if there's something worth ?
Sometimes ,when I'm lying down on the floor,I want to remain there,not to get up,because there won't be anyone who would lend me a hand,give me a hug,say that "It's fine,I'll be by your side" or " I understand you"..
So,it's better there,on the cold floor ,in silence..
But I have to get up sooner or later,because there are things I shouldn't forget,my dreams.
All I hope is that I'll still have strength to carry on ,because everyday I feel weaker and weaker.With each step made I feel like I'm using the last ounce of energy.Damn it..